When I was around 3 and lived still w my parents mom and dad used to send me to the playground to have sex, so was for me go at with kids.
was a small flat of 2 rooms so I had to go and most of the time I stood walking around alone. When the boys were there they used to touch me.
So I told my dad and he always went to talk to the boys parents. Once they brough me to the doorman toilet and took off their clothes and laydown on top of me. I felt so guilt. The other day I had a kind of period and pooped my trousers. This day my parents decided to send me to live with my grandparents. I always felt guilt and sweated about my soul out of my body. My father used to remind me and say how he used to "defend" me from the boys deceiving himself of how a hero he was underestimating that I knew I was going down for them to have sex.
I was only free of this story when I once doing my homework told my grandma and she said to leave it overcome it was a long ago.
I sweated my hands and feet cold. And still today when I am anxious or worried I sweat my soul out of my body.
See I dislike b-day because shit always come to the surface. I was a lonely and unhappy child. I learned to love my loneliness when..
I understood that it could be turned into freedom. But not the negligent freedom my parents had when they left me to be taken cared of..
I always felt I had to leave to scape I had no place to be. I hadn't the dignity to stay I was bad, dirty.
i tried to scape to London fail, and I tried to scape to Rio and asked my father help he never took me out pf the bus station.
He said: if you were a man I would slap your face and put you to collect the shit of my dogs (12dogs) but you are a female and you won't.. get along with my wife so here is 50,00 reais (12 dollars) go back to your grandparents house there you have foot, roof and washed clothes
I once asked my grandfather when I came to live here. He said he doesn't remember the day, but I remember the first thing he did was to put me in School close here called Colibri (HummingBird) and I had to take a picture and the photographer asked to smile or something and I had this sweater with a clock on it and I remember my grandfather saying it was my b-day. I never had b-days parties or celebrations. It was holidays and my grandparents already old. My parents were too busy having sex. My mother used to have three jobs. She was a broadcaster at Radio Inconfidência and at noon she presented the news on local tv station Alterosa (SBT). And my dad, let's see my dad couldn't keep a job or his own shit together. Remember I was sued by him for saying what I think about him, so not going furhter on details of his bad habits. But my grandfather took care of me and also sent a monthly food, clean stuff he payed and shop for their house. My mom didn't had time. But him.. let's see..
they never came or took me somewhere. they were always buzy minding their business when he married again he was always w her. He was incapable of taking me for diner or to the movies. or to be just me and him. what an ass*
So that's why b-days are never good, those are some of my memories but living like that I wasn't a winner at school during childhood and even less at my teens so when I turned 30y and finally got my guts to confront him I used to send him messages, emails. He used all to detort and say that I threatened him, poor worker: he is or was a director at Orteng a french company that buys and sells technology to prospect oil in the plataforms on the ocean. He used to travel to Norway, Swisszerland, Sweden, London, Paris, Denmark, Scotland to learn, buy and sell advanced submarines probes even to Petrobras for the least 20 years. He sued me. He is one of the heartless kind.
